NewsThump

Nation excited to see what Hermes/Evri rebrands itself as this time

Most children now want to be a reaction GIF when they grow up

Woman to flee country after farting during Yoga class

Striking health workers put patient lives at risk, insists man who seems happy for chronic underfunding to put patient lives at risk

‘The Matrix is responsible for my Mum’s smashed ornaments’ insists child

I once drove past a state school – Rishi Sunak

Nation shocked as man who lied under oath to a judge accused of spreading misinformation

It’s great that we’re making strikes illegal, insist Brexiters who promised that leaving the EU would ensure greater protections for British workers

Nurse’s union offer a load of broken PPE in return for pay rise

‘You are incredibly shit at cooking’ insists smoke alarm

Real Madrid retire from actively trying to murder Gareth Bale

‘Nice’ biscuits to be renamed ‘bang average at best’ biscuits

Collapse of monarchy is way more annoying than expected

Inflation will only come down because of the things we are doing, claims government that insisted there was nothing they could do to influence inflation when it was going up

Harry did an interview with the press so now we can go through his bins, insist morons

Daily Mail reader discovers hospital is ‘full of immigrants’ because they work there

School PTA raises over £50,000 by promising no events in 2023

Man who lost housekeeping money gambling online delighted to hear bookmaker boss earned £213m last year

Jobs at risk as revolutionary Italian restaurant puts black pepper on every table

James Hewitt’s my dad – There I said it

‘I once threw a kettle over a pub’, Prince Harry’s top 10 book revelations in full

BeReal issues apology for making everyone’s head look weird

Man who had thirteen days off work in need of retraining

‘It was my favourite bowl’ Prince Harry’s dog reveals all in exclusive Netflix interview

He called me ‘ginger pubes’ too – Prince Harry

Prince William seeks unification bout with Tyson Fury after ‘easy’ Harry knockout

Judge me on my record, insists man seemingly unaware his record is awful

People to cope with most depressing month of the year by giving up all the stuff they like

‘New Year, New Me’ revealed to be fake news

Reform UK calls for Home Economics to be taught until the age of 18 to stop ‘foreigners winning Bake Off’

Newsthump Digest