UKWoman who thinks Christmas starts too early incredibly excited because it’s Halloween in five weeks
PoliticsUKBritain to be kept warm this winter by burning a huge pile of money, pledges new Prime Minister
EntertainmentMan who doesn’t watch Strictly because ‘dancing is for gays’ furious as show includes two same-sex pairings
BusinessPoliticsUKCountry-wide relief that bankers may make it through cost-of-living crisis unscathed
PoliticsUKFears increasingly desperate UK government could move to all-out war against the British people
HealthPoliticsUKGovernment pledges ‘same day’ GP appointments for anyone successfully spending four days on hold for the receptionist
EducationPoliticsUKCan you all please keep focussing on Holly and Phil, asks government working quietly to hand billions to energy executives and bankers
World‘On my first day in office I reclassified everything you took, just by thinking about it’, President Biden tells Trump
PoliticsUKKeir Starmer tells baffled therapist about recurrent dream of him missing a penalty despite total absence of a goalkeeper
UKWorldExperts rate “I’m not bluffing” as the number one indicator of people who are definitely not bluffing
PoliticsUKWe can’t release the economic forecast because people will become too euphoric and overly excited, insists new Chancellor
PoliticsUK‘A 7% pay rise for striking workers would put too much pressure on inflation’, insists government about to let bankers receive bonuses of more than double their salary
