NewsThump

NRA finally admits guns can be dangerous after huge one falls on Marilyn Manson

Blade Runner fans terrified they might actually enjoy the sequel

Brexiter demands points-based system for repatriation of Monarch passengers

UKIP to start search for leader to replace newly-elected leader Henry Bolton

OJ Simpson relieved to finally be able to begin tracking down real murderer

Jacob Rees-Mogg sets off for Conservative party conference in finest horse-drawn carriage

EasyJet celebrates not being crappest UK airline

Lions desperate to disassociate themselves from UKIP

School’s banning sausage rolls ‘proof of Islamic takeover’, insists racist lunatic

Starbucks to mark International Coffee Day by actually spelling your name correctly

UKIP definitely going to elect a delightfully pleasant individual as their new leader

As Brexit talks reach deadlock, David Davis considers drastic step of putting in a full day’s work

BBC Question Time audience to be put in control of Britain’s departure from the EU

Brexit breakthrough as agreement reached on what crisps to serve at October EU summit

Wonga declares £65m loss after accidentally borrowing a fiver from itself

Pepe le Pew dies aged 91

Council tenant shagging girls half his age not getting the same credit as Heff

World mourns dirty old man with amazing PR team

Everything at half-mast after Hugh Hefner dies

Pupils given first-hand experience of the dangers of fascism as Katie Hopkins launches tour of schools

Zombies at the door would like to talk to you about Baron Samedi

Hitler would have accused Labour of antisemitism, says Ken Livingstone

Ryanair plane spotted actually in air

‘You call this Heaven? You should visit the Playboy mansion’, Hugh Hefner tells St Peter

We need to talk about The Canary, it’s listed as a speaker at a Ku Klux Klan rally

Jeremy Corbyn closes out conference speech with rousing chorus of “Money, Cash, Hoes”

I’d love to help those swarthy Puerto Rican greasers but they’re so hard to find, claims Trump

Corbyn to rename London Jeremygrad and cull the wealthy, claims Daily Mail

280 characters will let us get much more creative, insist Twitter’s trolls, bots and racists

British values under threat as Labour hold party conference in massive Brighton mosque

Newsthump Digest