ScienceSocietyScientific authority of astrology under fire as literally nothing good happens after two planets align
SocietySportsUKDaily Mail bursts blood vessel in eye as Queen gives knighthood to black Muslim immigrant
PoliticsSocietyUKBrexiters furious that sovereignty of Parliament could stop nation getting sovereignty back
BusinessSocietyUKOffice worker spends Monday morning kidding himself that this is the week he will accomplish something
PoliticsSocietyUKMan spends two-minute silence tutting at people who didn’t observe the two-minute silence
BusinessSocietyUKMorons who claim Muslims don’t integrate angered by advert showing Muslims integrating
BusinessEntertainmentWorldAmerican gun enthusiasts and Warhammer fans united in glee by news that chainsaw bayonets exist
PoliticsTechnologyUKChristopher Plummer to be digitally inserted into government archives as replacement for Michael Fallon
EntertainmentTechnologyWorldKevin Spacey to be replaced by different actors in all his previous films
