PoliticsSocietyUnwilling to face energy crisis, Ukraine war, and reality of the modern world, man demands more funeral
EntertainmentUKChannel 5 criticised for showing programme about benefit claimants refusing to watch Queen’s funeral during Queen’s funeral
UKIt would be disrespectful to do any of those little DIY jobs around the house on a day like today, insists man
UKPhillip Schofield jumps to front of Waitrose queue under the pretence of ‘reporting on food prices’
UKNan you haven’t visited in months delighted that you’ve queued 16 hours for someone else’s grandmother
SportsUK‘I always pick the squad based on form’ insists man who picked Grealish, Maguire, Phillips and Shaw
EntertainmentMermaids can’t be black insists man whose all-time favourite story stars a middle-eastern man with fair hair and blue eyes
EntertainmentMan totally willing to suspend disbelief for the story of a half-woman half-fish as long as the top half isn’t black
BusinessUKPeople queue for over two miles to see Queen’s coffin despite available self-service coffin
EnvironmentPoliticsUKTruss accuses environmentalists of bigoted ‘anti-earthquakism’ as she rushes through Fracking Bill
UK“Out of respect for the Queen I have chosen to abstain from masturbating during the official mourning period, but Christ almighty Monday now seems like a really long way away”
UK“Well that ride sucked,” says bitterly disappointed child after queueing for two hours just to look at a box
