SportsUKAmerican cop who arrested Rooney for public intoxication had just never heard a scouse accent before
BrexitPoliticsSocietyRamsgate declared ‘Brexit Capital’ due to being home to Seaborne Freight and UK’s largest Wetherspoon
BusinessEntertainmentHealthPeople should spend more screen-time reading satirical websites, confirm doctors
EntertainmentUKViewers complain Luther ‘too dark’ but Good Morning Britain ‘too light’ as Piers Morgan’s face clearly visible
EntertainmentScienceTechnologyWorldChinese probe to dark side of the moon accidentally lands on Decepticon base
BusinessEntertainmentUKPeople who laugh at ‘snowflakes’ currently losing their shit over vegan sausage rolls
PoliticsUK4 migrants a day is a national crisis, insists Home Secretary of nation where 3,500 people a day use food banks
BusinessHealthSocietyUKMoron utterly convinced Greggs vegan sausage rolls will infect steak bakes with dangerous levels of veganism
BrexitBusinessPoliticsUKI have also started a new shipping company with no ships, can I have a £13.8m government contract?
BusinessEntertainmentSocietyHopelessly optimistic Warhammer player makes new year resolution to finish painting all his figures
EntertainmentScienceUKSchrödinger’s celebrity attends Jools Holland’s Hootenanny while simultaneously watching it at home
HealthSocietyUKMickey telling your battered liver to “get up, you son of a bitch!” for New Year’s Eve
PoliticsWorldDonald Trump starts referring to himself as a war veteran after spending five minutes in Iraq