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Politician who became popular by making everyone laugh at him annoyed now everyone is laughing at him

House of Commons schedules day of totally mad shit

Irony-free Boris Johnson seeks second vote on snap election in case ‘will of the people in parliament’ has changed since Thursday

To prevent No Deal you’ll have to let Jeremy f*ck up everything else, insists Labour

Amber Rudd facing DWP sanctions because ‘My boss is insane and will start a civil war’ considered insufficient reason to quit

Triumphant Johnson government celebrates a whole 8 hours without a humiliating disaster

First ‘Brexit dividend’ arrives as Wetherspoons promises to knock 20p off each pint of warm piss

Man who built his career around lies and betrayal shocked to find out people aren’t loyal

Empty shampoo bottle forced through humiliation of watching replacement in use

That can be arranged, nation tells Boris

Boris Johnson works hard to get a new EU deal by going to Scotland to lie to farmers

Woman ties bell to house spider to prevent it from sneaking up on her

Duchess of Cambridge FUMING as Prince George sent home from school for inappropriate haircut

Man looking to watch parliamentary debate accidentally tunes into “It’s A Knockout”, doesn’t notice

SNP’s Ian Blackford offers Boris Johnson a fight in the car park

Jo Johnson resigns as Tory MP to spend less time with his family

Eton applications at all-time low after public see the sort of adults it produces

Brexiters who’ve spent over three years saying ‘you lost, get over it’ still waiting to discover what they’ve won

Westminster covered in vomit and half-eaten kebabs after late night Lords session

Boris denies accusations of lying after revelation he’s actually a 72-year-old lady from Bolton called Beryl

Lib Dem campaigners buying sandals and chunky socks in anticipation of snap election

Boris wondering if he should bother to finish unpacking

Larry the cat leaves Boris’ half-dead career outside Downing Street back door

Man who couldn’t persuade his own MPs to back him insists he can persuade EU to give him a better deal

Jacob Rees-Mogg accused of contempt for Parliament after defecating in the Commons chamber

Boris Johnson applies for Irish passport

Tories tell themselves to ‘go back where they came from’ after learning they are now a minority

“At least it took more than a month for me to lose MY majority” chuckles Theresa May

Boris asks Putin to put Russian bots on standby

Michael Owen calls Newcastle Utd move a ‘nightmare’ as treatment room was nowhere near as luxurious as promised

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