BusinessHealthPoliticsUKWorld heading for economic crisis as 0.00001 % of planet’s population falls ill
PoliticsSocietyUKPandemic fears as number of people claiming they were bullied by Priti Patel rises to three
HealthPoliticsUKCoronavirus: NHS advises to wash your hands like you just picked up Mark Francois’ dirty Y-fronts
SocietyUKIf you don’t like obeying our laws then you should get out of our country, Tommy Robinson told
HealthUKGoths told to wash their hands while singing Cradle of Filth’s Godspeed on the Devil’s Thunder
HealthPoliticsUKAvoid Coronavirus by just being patriotic, thinking optimistically and ignoring experts, instructs Boris
EntertainmentSocietyUKSeason finale of Doctor who results in TARDIS changing from police box to a dumpster on fire
HealthScienceUKGlaswegian scientists discover key way of fighting Coronavirus is to ‘kick its f*ckin’ c*nt in’
HealthPoliticsUKEmergency Cobra meeting called for earliest possible date that doesn’t affect Boris Johnson’s weekend plans
EnvironmentSocietyUKExtinction Rebellion packs it in after clever man points out their phones are made in China
BrexitPoliticsUKGlobal Britain extends hand of friendship to all European criminals worried about extradition
