PoliticsWorldKanye West unveils electoral platform of unbridled narcissism and twattish attention-seeking
HealthPoliticsWorldCountry that has lost 140,000 people to Coronavirus feeling reassured that President has a regular bean supplier
PoliticsUKChris Grayling adds ‘lost an election that was completely fixed in my favour’ to CV of comprehensive ineptitude
EntertainmentSocietyUKSatirical website treading very carefully around news about dog with racist name
BrexitPoliticsUKWorldDominic Raab lambastes Russia for meddling in UK elections to put people like Dominic Raab in power
PoliticsSocietyUKDaily Mail ‘journalist’ spontaneously combusts as Shamima Begum is granted right to return to the UK
EntertainmentSocietyUKTeenager who fled to join the forces of Khorne the Blood God wins legal battle to return to the Imperium
BusinessTechnologyUKMiddle-aged man urgently reassures his 78 followers that his Twitter account was not hacked
BusinessSocietyTechnologyWorldBitcoin reinforces reputation as most secure and reliable financial instrument used by the most trustworthy individuals
EntertainmentSocietyWorldPrince Andrew beats Sir Alex Ferguson’s long-standing squeaky bum world record
HealthPoliticsUKMasks should be worn on alternate waxing crescent moons when entering buildings whose postcode adds up to a prime number, clarifies government
HealthSocietyUKPeople who insist “All Lives Matter” surprisingly pissy about wearing a mask to protect the lives of others
BusinessHealthPoliticsUKGovernment confirms there is no need to wear a mask in shops as long as you’re carrying a pint
BrexitHealthPoliticsUKThe ‘Blitz spirit’ that will carry us through ‘no-deal’ not that helpful when asked to wear a mask in the shops, insists Brexiter
SocietyUKCannibal left disappointed after tucking into severed hand only to find it was a delicious cake
