BusinessPoliticsUKGovernment moves quickly to do absolutely nothing about banks implicated in criminality by FinCEN papers
SportsUKFantasy Football Manager leaves team ‘by mutual consent’ after one game, for third successive season
HealthPoliticsUKGovernment pioneers groundbreaking COVID 19 test involving a curt nod and mumbling ‘you alright, mate?’
EntertainmentPoliticsUKBoris Johnson’s Animal Crossing island now just a wasteland covered in dogshit
HealthPoliticsSocietyUKPotential Halloween lockdown could see local yobs forced to egg their own houses
HealthScienceUKVirus that can tell the difference between colleagues and friends continues to baffle scientists
BrexitPoliticsUKWorldJoe Biden left in tears following harsh remarks by his political hero, Iain Duncan-Smith
HealthPoliticsSocietyUKGovernment to impose tough new 10pm pub curfew forcing drinkers to just go out a couple of hours earlier
EntertainmentSocietyUKITV apologises to Jim Davidson for lack of on-air representation for the ‘racist twat’ minority
PoliticsSocietyUKSpitfire taking part in Battle of Britain flyover instinctively shoots at Nigel Farage out of habit
EntertainmentPoliticsUKDominic Cummings shortlisted for Booker Prize with fictional masterpiece ‘The Tory Election Manifesto 2019’
HealthPoliticsUKGovernment tells people unable to take Covid tests they will be allowed to use their predicted results
HealthPoliticsUKAll testing issues ‘will be solved in a matter of weeks’ says Matt Hancock, back in April
HealthPoliticsUKSchrödinger’s young person simultaneously expected to be out working in retail and hospitality while also staying home
BrexitPoliticsSocietyUKOpinion: Brexit chaos is the fault of absolutely everyone except the people who actually voted for it
HealthPoliticsSocietyUKMan having BBQ for dozen friends this weekend just going to release a couple of grouse into his garden
BrexitPoliticsUKGhosts of former Prime Ministers confirm that they too think Boris Johnson is a complete plank
BrexitPoliticsScienceUKPotential life on Venus already eyeing up ‘soft-touch’ UK benefits system, warns Nigel Farage
BusinessHealthUKOur disgusting sticky tables catch and trap coronavirus safely, insists Wetherspoons boss
BrexitPoliticsUKWorldMan criticising government over breaking international law surprisingly forgetful about time his government broke international law
SocietySportsUKFantasy football fans ready and excited to watch every one of their players suddenly become absolutely shit
HealthPoliticsUKMerseyside now added to COVID watch list, with Birmingham, and Bolton, and Newcastle, and… oh f*ck it everywhere
HealthPoliticsUKBBC replaces Nichola Sturgeon’s pandemic briefings with Jamie Oliver making curried haggis