EntertainmentHealthPoliticsUKNew rise in Covid figures ‘a middle-class hoax to have free theatre streams reinstated’
HealthUKHeroic anti-masker demonstrates formidable bravery not seen since the Blitz by going maskless in Tesco
SocietyTechnologyUKWoman who made online friend during lockdown horrified at suggestion they actually ‘meet up’
BrexitPoliticsUKBritish government screams that it ‘never wanted a trade deal anyway’ and it ‘wishes it had never been born’
BrexitPoliticsUKWorldNation hopeful as idiot prime minister appoints dickhead trade advisor to secure trade deal with moron President
EntertainmentHealthUKNHS patients forced to wait up to three weeks to see Ian Brown from the Stone Roses
BrexitPoliticsUKMan who thinks Boris lies about everything also convinced he’s telling the truth about going for ‘no-deal’ Brexit
BusinessEnvironmentPoliticsUKThe only respectable way to muzzle the press is to have journalists beaten up, insists Boris Johnson
BrexitPoliticsUKBrexiter having public meltdown over inconvenience of a late newspaper confident he will cope perfectly with ‘No Deal Brexit’
EntertainmentHealthProduction of The Batman paused after Robert Pattinson catches Covid from wearing a mask that didn’t cover his mouth
BusinessPoliticsUKWork on £100 billion HS2 rail link begins, just as everyone decides to permanently work from home
HealthPoliticsSocietyUKPeople being sent so far for Covid-19 tests, they have to quarantine for 14 days upon return
SocietyTechnologyUKStarting social media posts with ‘I don’t usually write posts like this, but…’ increases credibility tenfold
EducationPoliticsUKDecision regarding delay in next year’s exams to be delayed until next year’s exams, confirms government
PoliticsWorldRussian government making list of lovely cathedrals in Siberia to explain Navalny poisoning
PoliticsUKWorldWestern governments horrified by latest Russian poisoning which they will do nothing about
EntertainmentSocietyUKCritics of Strictly Come Dancing’s first same-sex pairing advised to say it to Nicola Adams’ face
EntertainmentSocietyUKMan who doesn’t watch Strictly because ‘dancing is for gays’ furious as show announces first ever same sex pairing
EntertainmentPoliticsUKBBC hampered in attempts to introduce more right-wing comedy as cabinet ministers continue to refuse to be interviewed
EntertainmentPoliticsUKBBC denies political pressure is behind new comedy show ‘The Drug Dealing Muslims Who Hate Brexit’
EntertainmentUKWoke metropolitan elite spends weekend watching Songs of Praise, Countryfile, and Mrs Brown’s Boys
SportsUKOnly professional footballer in world not linked with summer move to Bielsa’s Leeds United sacks agent in disgust