Search: brexit

Man who spent entire Brexit period saying economic forecasts are ‘just guesses’ now wants to let old people die because of economic forecasts

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A man who spent the entirety of the four-year Brexit debate insisting that economic forecasts can’t be trusted because they’re basically just guesses, is now willing to let the nation’s old and infirm die because of an economic forecast.

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Belgians demand return of Poirot as part of Brexit deal

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As the Greeks call for the Elgin marbles and the French demand the return of the body of Napoleon III as part of Brexit negotiations, Belgium has put forward a demand of their own.

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Brexit triumph as life expectancies get closer to what they were before the UK joined the EU

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The government has hailed the news that life expectancies had stopped their unpatriotic climb and were finally heading towards the position they had in those halcyon days before 1973, and explained that work was ongoing to replicate this across all facets of life.

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Brexiter who has never set foot in a museum insists nation fights to the death to keep Elgin marbles

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Brexit voter Simon Williams is happy to see the nation go to war to keep hold of the Elgin marbles, in order to show Johnny Foreigner that Brexit Britain can’t be pushed around.

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EU can shove its generous flood defence fund insist Brexiters up to their necks in water

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Partially submerged Brexit voters have told the EU to stick their flood defence funds ‘where the sun don’t shine’ – or ‘England’ as it is more commonly known.

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Government to push for ‘Narnia plus’ Brexit deal

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Prime Minister Boris Johnson has rejected accusations that an Australian-style Brexit agreement would merely be ‘no deal’ by another name, by insisting he is in favour of a ‘Narnia plus’ arrangement.

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Brexit decision reversed after 4-day delay by VAR

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Brexit has been reversed after VAR officials overturned the decision following four days of exhaustively looking at replays.

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Brexiters outraged as BAFTA awarded to ‘Film not in the English language’

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Leave supporters’ Brexit celebrations have been cut short by the appalling revelation that the British Academy of Film and Television still plans to recognise foreign ‘talent.’

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Mark Francois celebrates Brexit Day by changing his name to Mark Petit-Anglais

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Popular and respected MP Mark Francois is to change his name to ‘something less European’ to celebrate Brexit, he has confirmed.

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Boris Johnson to spend day masturbating into Got Brexit Done tea towel

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Prime Minister Boris Johnson will spend the whole of the 31st January wanking furiously and incessantly into a commemorative Got Brexit Done tea towel, press aides have confirmed today.

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