Trump administration quits European corruption group after discovering members are actually trying to ‘stop’ corruption

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The United States has withdrawn from a European corruption group after an increasingly uncomfortable meeting revealed that members viewed corruption as a problem rather than a shared professional interest.

The Trump administration confirmed its departure from the Group of States against Corruption (GRECO), explaining that nobody had read the organisation’s full name before signing up.

“We saw ‘states’ and ‘corruption’ and assumed we’d found our people,” explained White House spokesperson Chuck Williams.

“We thought there would be workshops. How to monetise access to public officials. Making foreign gifts look normal. That sort of thing.

“Then someone opened a PowerPoint about preventing conflicts of interest, and our delegate asked whether he was in the wrong room.”

Williams said initial attempts to contribute had been poorly received.

“They asked us to share examples of corruption in government, so we gave a presentation. Apparently it wasn’t supposed to be aspirational.

“One man said public office should never be used for private enrichment. We waited for the rest of his sentence, but that was genuinely his entire position.”

Officials described the group’s insistence on transparency, independent scrutiny and accountability as “a sustained attack on the Trump business model”.

“We’re happy to discuss corruption,” continued Williams. “But these people have already decided they’re against it. Where’s the balanced debate? What happened to hearing both sides?

“They wouldn’t even let us sponsor the ethics committee. We had a very generous offer, conditional on them changing a few findings.”

Washington said it would now seek cooperation with countries sharing its approach, noting that Russia and Belarus had already withdrawn from the organisation.

“That was reassuring,” Williams concluded. “For a moment, we worried leaving might make us look bad. Then we discovered Russia and Belarus had done it, and knew we were among friends.”

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