Physicists concede that energy CAN be destroyed, after brief visit to Ipswich

Physicists are to rewrite the first law of thermodynamics after witnessing that energy CAN be destroyed, following a long weekend in Ipswich.

After a physical sciences conference was held at the town’s IpsoDome, its delegates made the extraordinary decision to rip up the long-established edicts of their field.

“It’s like a vacuum within the already vacuous region of East Anglia,” complained one.

Said another, “The people walk around as if zombified, but to be fair to them, zombies actually have some vigour; they get in their daily steps and have a clear – albeit murderous – purpose in death.”

By the end of the conference, the assembled physicist bigwigs had hypothesised that any vitality displayed by the town’s inhabitants was essentially the death-throes of energy absorbed by the townsfolk before its excretion and ultimate death.

“It’s where energy goes to die,” said Professor J. R. Hartley of Dunstable University. “I mean, I live in Dunstable, FFS, and even I felt like I was starting to fossilise shortly after lunch on day one.

“It’s essentially antimatter in the form of a town, albeit with a Nando’s.”