Restore Britain shocked to discover genealogy considerably more complicated than racism made it sound

Far-right political party Restore Britain admitted today that defining who counts as “white British” had become “unexpectedly complicated” after discovering their own definition appeared to exclude King Charles, prompting what insiders described as “a long afternoon of increasingly panicked flowcharts.”

Having confidently insisted the issue was “really very simple”, party members reportedly found themselves unable to explain why the monarch should count as white British despite failing the ancestry test they had enthusiastically promoted only hours earlier.

“It turns out once you start writing the rules down, people keep asking annoying follow-up questions,” sighed one increasingly exhausted spokesman, hastily adding another footnote to a document already described as “mostly exceptions”.

The original definition reportedly occupied one sentence at the top of the page. By lunchtime, it had expanded to include exemptions for monarchs, military families, diplomats, people born overseas “for British reasons”, and “anyone where excluding them feels a bit embarrassing”.

The latest draft now includes seventeen appendices, three decision trees, and an emergency working group tasked solely with determining whether Boris Johnson counts.

“It’s still incredibly straightforward,” insisted Rupert Lowe, emerging from a room containing several whiteboards, two genealogists and what witnesses described as “an alarming amount of coloured string”. “You simply follow the strict criteria, unless the criteria produce an answer we don’t like, in which case, common sense applies.”

Sources said the team briefly considered abandoning ancestry altogether before remembering why they had started the exercise in the first place, instead opting to introduce an additional 84-page guidance document explaining precisely when the rules should and should not apply.

At the time of publication, Restore Britain had successfully identified precisely three unquestionably British people, although two were currently arguing over whether the third qualified.