‘My nan had a much bigger turnout’, Prince William tells cardinals

Prince William has been overheard reminding cardinals about the poor turnout to Pope Francis’s funeral, according to sources at the Vatican.

The Prince of Wales, who is attending the funeral in the place of King Charles III, has apparently been going around St. Peter’s Square telling people his Nan had way more people grieving at her funeral in 2022.

“Yeah, there’s been a bit of taunting from him,” admitted Cardinal Simone Guglielmo.

“He kept looking around the square and whispering, “So, what time is everyone arriving?” Then he’d give me a little smirk and carry on playing Candy Crush on his phone. He’s at a pretty high level, to be fair to him.

“It got a bit silly when he started chanting ‘Empty seats, my Lord, empty seats.’ This is a place of God, not a place of football hooliganism. We found that particularly disrespectful.

“Oh, and he kept banging on about some bloke called Bear Grylls attending the Queen’s funeral. Apparently he drank his own piss or something? Anyway, he was complaining about the lack of celebrities here today, but I’ve never heard of this Bear guy. 

“I don’t know much about British culture. Drinking piss must be a big deal over there.”

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