England preparing to face Netherlands for chance to be hammered by Spain

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England and the Netherlands will go head-to-head in tonight’s Euro 2024 semi-final, with a runners-up medal awaiting the victors.

After Spain beat France 2-1 in a match that was barely recognisable as the same sport being played by England throughout the tournament, fans across the country are keeping their fingers crossed that tonight could see them secure their second runners-up medal in three years.

England fan Simon Williams told us, “Euro 2020 was tough, because we really thought we could beat Italy in the final, and we started so well – but this Spain side? Nah. It isn’t happening.

“We know that. Everyone knows that. So, as much as we’re looking forward to the semi-final with the Netherlands tonight, we all know it’s purely to decide who comes second.

“Did you see Spain’s passing and movement against France? It was magical at times. And when I say magical, I mean in the Las Vegas high-concept massive budget sense of the word – not the ‘my eight-year-old nephew just learned a card trick’ sense of the word that has been delivered by England so far.

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“So yes, England will get my full-throated support for the duration of the game tonight, but only because losing in a final is better than losing in a semi-final.

“Just.”

Swede. Carrot. Lime.

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