Massive establishment conspiracy to rig the election foiled after Reform supporter uses a pen

author avatar by 1 week ago

A huge and complex rigging of the general election has fallen apart at the seams thanks to ‘switched on’ Reform supporters who have discovered the wonder of pens.

The government, the Rothschilds, the lizard people and/or the Royal Family had all nailed down a foolproof rigging system to ensure that the UK would only send pro-EU lefty migrant-hugging MPs to serve in parliament.

“But now the bastards are using pens!” cried Simon Williams, Head of Remainer Conspiracy over at MI5.

“We can’t use rubbers on pens, believe me, I’ve just given it a go. The votes of Reform and Tommy Robinson supporters might actually be counted now!

“We had planned this conspiracy down to the finest detail, right down to replacing elderly polling station attendees with pro-EU robots and making sure only registered people could vote.

NewsThump Best sellers

“But then some meddling on twunt on Facebook suggested we all use pens and now the damn thing has gone VIRAL.

“We didn’t think the general public even had ACCESS to pens, let alone the wherewithal and opposable thumbs necessary to actually use them.

“We’re fucked. We are absolutely fucked. This is Harold Wilson all over again.”