Keir Starmer’s ‘My Dad Was a Toolmaker’ story now available as audiobook

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It’s the classic tale of a factory worker who raised the next prime minister, and though everyone has now heard it – several times – it is set to be released as an audiobook and made available for free to all British voters.

“My Dad was a toolmaker – Keir Starmer’s story of his Dad being a tookmaker” will be released on Monday and will cover the enthralling tale of Starmer’s father, who was a toolmaker and worked in a factory.

A labour spokesperson told us, “We are delighted to announce the release of the eBook, as there are still some voters who haven’t heard that Keir’s Dad was a toolmaker.”

“No there isn’t,” explained floating voter Simon Williams.

“It’s literally the only thing I know about him for definite. His Dad was toolmaker. That’s it. I don’t know anything definitive about his policies, or what he’s going to do with the country when he’s in Downing Street, but I do know his Dad worked in a factory.

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“It’s not a big deal. So did mine, but I don’t lead with it in every conversation I have. I imagine if I went to get the car cleaned and they asked me what I wanted, and I said, ‘Well, my father was a toolmaker you know, he spent his life working in a factory, which means I appreciate the hard work of people like yourself so I’ll take the silver package please.

“I’d look like a desperate weirdo craving credit for something I didn’t do myself. And rightly so.”

Meanwhile, when pressed for further details of the audiobook, Labour’s campaign team told us, “It’s about Keir Starmer’s Dad. Who was a toolmaker. In factory. For his job. Making tools. In a factory. While also being a Dad. To Keir.

“I feel like I’m already giving you too many spoilers so I’m going to stop it there.”