Government remains fully committed to hoping that Grenfell-like fire doesn’t happen again

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The Government has marked the seventh anniversary of the Grenfell Tower disaster by reaffirming its commitment to hoping that it doesn’t happen again.

“It was awful, and we very much hope nothing like that happens again,” said Rishi Sunak, Prime Minister and man who has done very little to stop it happening again.

“I personally cross my fingers every now and again. I know that some of the more God-bothery ones in the cabinet say prayers and whatnot.”

Mr Sunak then went on to attack the opposition.

“I think that it really is shameful that, whilst we in Government are really hoping that Grenfell doesn’t happen again anywhere, the Opposition doesn’t seem all that bothered at all.

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“I certainly haven’t seen any of that lot on TV explaining how much they hope it doesn’t happen again. It’s pretty dreadful really.”

Tory voter and simpleton Simon Williams praised the PM.

“Tremendous. Hoping that Grenfell doesn’t happen again. That’s exactly the sort of leadership we need from the next government. I think that’s all we need to do, really,” he said from the steps of his semi-detached house that has no flammable-cladding concerns.

However, despite the commitment to hoping that Grenfell doesn’t happen again, the Government will not be implementing any tangible policies or laws to completely outlaw the negligence that allowed the Grenfell fire to occur in the first place.

“Implement actual policies? To help vulnerable people?” said a baffled Sunak.

“I’m sorry, I don’t really understand what that means.”