Record NHS waiting lists disappear overnight after the government suddenly remembers the 40 new hospitals they built

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The NHS waiting list crisis has today been declared over after government officials suddenly remembered the forty new hospitals they had built since the last general election.

Just hours after Prime Minister Rishi Sunak was questioned in a Sky News debate about hospital waiting lists continuing to rise, a Department for Health and Social Care official told us that the waiting lists had all but disappeared.

They explained, “The media has made a big deal recently about waiting times for hospital appointments and treatment, and rightly so.

“But, you have all completely forgotten – as had some of us inside the NHS had too – that the Conservatives returned triumphantly into Number Ten on a pledge to build forty new hospitals, and this government is certainly not one to tell lies or break promises.

“These forty new, large, fully staffed hospitals have helped massively overnight with the backlog, so the media needn’t have worried about it – the waiting lists should be cleared in no time.”

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Simon Williams, a friend of Matt Hancock’s, whose shed was declared to be a new and fully functioning hospital because it had some plasters and two boxes of Paracetamol in it, told us, “The hospital at the end of my garden has played a key role in reducing waiting lists, absolutely.

“At least, I think it has.

“Before he was fired for shagging a colleague and went into the jungle to eat testicles to make people like him, Matt gave me a million quid and said he’d take over running the shed – I mean hospital – and I’ve now retired to France.”

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