Multiverse theory dictates there is a reality in which Labour will increase average household taxes by precisely £2,096, insist Tories

author avatar by 1 week ago

The government has today defended its repeated claims that Labour’s policies will add £2,096 to the average household’s tax bill over the next four years, insisting that the theory of the multiverse makes this definitely true.

The Conservatives insisted that their claim should only be fact-checked by those who have access to the very specific alternative universe in which Labour’s plans have cost each household precisely £2,096.

Prime Minister Rishi Sunak said it was unfair to criticise him and his party for pointing out that the plane of reality where their tax claims are 100% accurate is not the one in which we happen to live.

Sunak told reporters, “There is a universe out there where Labour has implemented all of its plans, and the nation is now well on the way to descending into full-on communism – where anyone who dares to question Starmer is sent to the gulags, and where every household is precisely £2,096 worse off.

“So, when you look at that as the alternative, you have to say that on reflection, I’m looking like a pretty good option as prime minister. Right?”

NewsThump best selling notebooks

Meanwhile, critics of this position have insisted that if we’re going to delve into the multiverse for comparators to our own reality, we should probably look at some of the others.

Political analyst David Matthews told us, “I’m a big fan of basing any political criticism on our own reality, and things directly observable in our own plane of existence, but if that’s the direction that Tory supporters want to go, then so be it.  Let’s play that game.

“Did you know there is one alternative universe in which Keir Starmer’s blood was found to be the secret to a complete cure to Coronavirus, and that he’s now not only a hero here in the UK, but around the entire world as the saviour of millions of lives? No? Well, he is.

“Also, the hastily constructed Keir Starmer theme park is now the planet’s number one tourist attraction, which has seen the UKs economic growth surge to record levels – so if we’re going to delve into the realms of hallucinated fiction, maybe we should compare the Tory track record to that specific alternative reality?”

Sunak retorted, “That’s completely ridiculous, you can’t just hallucinate an alternative reality and then use that to criticise us.


NewsThump Best sellers