I was assured no one would even notice, explains Sunak

author avatar by 2 weeks ago

Rish Sunak has defended his decision to leave the D-Day celebrations early by insisting he was told that no one would notice whether he was there or not.

After being questioned about his absence, Sunak told reporters, “I have a team of people who look after this sort of thing, and they explained that my distinct lack of presence and gravitas in any situation would mean I could easily slip away unnoticed.

“Most of the time people don’t know I’m there, so why would they notice that I wasn’t? It seems like a perfectly logical position to take. I’m not very big, and I carry all the gravitas of expired milk – so why would anyone notice I’d left?

“Yes, this has ultimately proven to be a mistake, but now the opposition is trying to make a big thing out of me being the sort of person who calls for all young people to give a year of their lives to national service while I couldn’t give more than a few minutes or so to our fallen heroes.

“Which is incredibly unfair. It’s entirely accurate, obviously, but also incredibly unfair because it makes me look bad during an election cycle.

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“Why can’t we all just focus on the fifteen minutes or so that I was there?

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