Müller unveils new ‘Farage Frais’ range of throwing yoghurts to hurl at politicians

author avatar by 2 weeks ago

Yoghurt giant Müller has jumped on the ‘hurling viscous dairy products at politicians’ trend with its new “Farage Frais” line of dinky little yoghurt things. 

The announcement came just hours after the Reform UK leader and prospective MP for Clacton was drenched in milkshake in what, at first, seemed a politically motivated attack. 

However sceptics now believe it was an advertising stunt on behalf of Müller’s yoghurt division. 

“You have to ask yourself why would anyone want to cover Nige in a load of suspicious spunky-looking matter, other than to promote a different type of spunky-looking matter,” explained ‘free thinker’ Simon Williams. 

“Well, yes, admittedly, quite a lot of people have wanted to throw such things at Nigel down the years, it turns out. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a secret publicity stunt by the yoghurt lobby.

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A Müller spokesperson told us, “We completely deny that yesterday’s incident was a publicity stunt – and it is nothing more than a complete coincidence that we had a new line of throwable yoghurts waiting in the wings ready to be promoted to an eager public.

“All it needed was a name, and it came to us in a flash of inspiration. I mean, it had to be, right? We thought… hmm… Farage, Fromage… Fromage Frais… Farage Frais!”

“After all, he’s just the kind of opportunistic c**t who’d latch on to such a shitty idea in the hope of gaining a twat’s vote, so we may as well milk.. sorry, Farage Frais, the frog-faced moron-herder for all he’s worth.”

The spokesperson later offered a lifetime’s supply of Farage Frais to anyone who completely face-pies him with the stuff.

For the avoidance of doubt, and because the Internet is full of idiots – this is a JOKE. There is no such thing as throwing yoghurt, and no, we are NOT suggesting you throw it at Nigel, either. Wasn’t the world a much better place when we didn’t have to explain things like this at the end of satricial stories?

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