Republicans warn of dangerous legal precedent if right-wing politicians can no longer easily pay to silence porn stars with whom they have affairs

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The Republican party has today issued a stark warning that Donald Trump’s criminal conviction could set a dangerous precedent that right-wing politicians can no longer pay to silence the porn stars with whom they have affairs.

The Party of Family Values is claiming that Trump’s conviction could prevent many of their senior members from maintaining the elaborate facade they have created around them and allow the public to see the real them.

“Today is a terribly sad day for American politics,” lamented one senior GOP representative.

“If we start holding our elected officials accountable for every little lie they tell, then who knows what could happen? It would be the end of our party as we know it.”

Trump’s conviction, which came via a unanimous jury decision and means he is a convicted felon in the state of New York, has left many Republicans fearing for their political careers.

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“This sets an incredibly dangerous standard,” said a senior GOP senator Chuck Williams, nervously adjusting his ‘World’s Best Senator’ mug, a self-awarded honor.

“Honesty, integrity, facts — these are all part of the slippery slope that leads directly to a woke liberal democracy. It’s a truly horrifying thought.”

Democrats have expressed their genuine surprise at the decision, with one freshman congresswoman asking, “Wait, Republicans can get in serious legal trouble for telling lies now? Does… does everyone know about this?”

Meanwhile, GOP leaders are reportedly scrambling to establish a ‘Post-Truth Caucus’ aimed at preserving the time-honoured tradition of political fabrication. The caucus’ first motion, titled ‘The Earth is Flat and Dinosaurs Helped Build the Pyramids Act,’ is already gaining traction among many Bible-belt members.

Donald Trump took to TruthSocial to insist he was unconcerned by his conviction, calling the reports of his felon status ‘fake news’, before insisting that the jury vote was rigged, that some jury members voted by post, and immediately demanding a recount.

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