Children to strike over real-terms reduction in pocket-money

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Children across the country have announced that they intend to strike over the reduction of their pocket money, in real money terms, over the past two years.

After balloting members of the child community, there will now be a 48-hour walk-out starting at 5 pm on Wednesday as they seek to have their pocket money reflect the rise in prices of sweets over the last 18 months.

During this period, children will not be adorable, will not play football with Dad, and will not make themselves available for cute Facebook videos of them falling off things.

“We have been pushed too far,” said children’s representative Ben, 6.

“For years, we’ve tried to maintain a frank and open negotiation with parents over the pocket-money issue, only to be told that ‘if you want any extra, you’ll have to help out more,’ or ‘you’ll have to learn to save more,’ and most galling of all, ‘that’s more than I got when I was your age’ – when, if you adjust for the recent inflationary crisis, it’s clearly not.

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“In real terms, we’ve been taking cuts in pocket money year-on-year for far too long.

“So, it is with great regret that we find ourselves having to take industrial action,” he continued before farting, covering his face with his hands and having a giggling fit.

However, it is understood the children have abandoned their demands for discretionary ice cream and sweets when going with Mum on the big shop.