Decomposing body of Margaret Thatcher to campaign alongside Rishi Sunak

author avatar by 3 weeks ago

In an attempt to shift the polls, the decomposing body of popular eighties harridan Margaret Thatcher will hit the campaign trail next week.

“The problem with Rishi Sunak, as a campaigner, is that he’s, well… shit.” said a Number Ten aide.

“He has that thing where it seems like he’s never interacted with other human beings before, and now that he’s doing it, he hates them.

“So, we thought it might help to have a proven campaigner from the past. We thought Boris, but he’s living in a bin, then we thought David Cameron, but he’s a twat. So Margaret Thatcher seemed the obvious choice, she was hugely popular, she had charisma, and she knew how to speak to normal people.”

However, the problem that the Tory team faced is that Mrs T, as she used to be known, has been dead for some ten years.

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“Her decomposing body is a problem. It smells and it’s pretty gruesome to look at, if I’m honest. But, you know what? Even a gruesome, smelly decomposing body of a Prime Minister from thirty years ago is better than Rishi, so we’re going with it.

“We’ll prop the corpse up against a wall, put a fan next to it to waft away the worst of the smell, and then play some old speeches of her slagging off the EU.”

The news the former PM returning to the campaign trail has also significantly shifted the odds in the race for the next Tory leader, with the decomposing body of Margaret Thatcher now odds-on favourite to be the new leader ahead of Priti Patel, Kemi Badenoch, and Robert Jenrick.

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