Pensioners ask, ‘Why is no one bribing us with a quintuple-lock pension?’

author avatar by 3 weeks ago

Pensioners have today asked those vying for votes in the general election why they aren’t being more ambitious with their pension lock promises?

With the government focussing today’s campaigning on their promise of a ‘triple-lock plus’ pension should they be re-elected, many pensioners have reacted with a shrug of the shoulders.

“We pensioners know our importance in this election, so if you’re going to bribe us, then bribe us properly.

“Triple lock plus is like someone giving a pound coin to the Maitre-d’ at a Michelin-starred restaurant in the hope of jumping the queue for a good table. Yes, technically it’s a bribe, but it’s embarrassing for both of us.

“Tripe lock, triple lock plus – who cares? Promises like this barely ignite the imagination these days – I am saving my vote for someone who really thinks big. Why not a quadruple-lock pension? Hell, let’s go all out and have a quintuple-lock pension.

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“I’ve spent the last twenty years listening to shaving companies telling me the most innovative thing they could possibly do is increase the number of blades by one, so I would like to see the government adopt a similar strategy with their pension locks.

“Let’s see them outbid each other a increasingly desperate attempts to woo me. I don’t care if they want to force my grandkids to guard a border with a hostile state, they can definitely have my vote with a slightly better bribe.”

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