Michael Gove selfishly deprives voters of the opportunity to hand his arse to him

author avatar by 3 weeks ago

Michael Gove will not stand for re-election in the general election, selfishly depriving millions of TV viewers of the opportunity of witnessing his own ‘Portillo moment’.

The MP for Surrey Heath and Minister for Levelling Up told reporters that he would not be seeking re-election, deciding to call time on his parliamentary career just as the polling in his constituency proved voters were absolutely ready to call time on his parliamentary career.

The move has disappointed millions of voters, who had been looking forward to the election night coverage, and Gove’s despondent face as he stands on the stage listening to the results that prove he has failed.

Voter Simon Williams told us, “Any man as unpopular as Michael, who has played such a prominent role in recent catastrophic governments, is going lose badly. And now we won’t see it – the selfish shit.

“That iconic Portillo moment is over a quarter of a century old. We need a new one, and we all thought it was going to be Gove that provided it. I guess we’ll have to rely on Lee Anderson now.”

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Others have insisted that by refusing to lose his seat in a very public and embarrassing manner, he is cutting his nose off despite his face.

Commissioning editor Derek Matthews told us, “By not running, he is depriving himself of potentially lucrative future career opportunities.

“He could stand again, and lose badly; then who knows, in 25 years, he could be presenting a television programme on the best train routes between Stoke and Coventry in a pair of garish yellow trousers.

“The railways of the world could be his oyster.”

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