Opinion: Bringing back national service is a brilliant idea now that I’m too old to have to do it myself

author avatar by 3 weeks ago

As the general election campaign heats up and the government announces its plan to reintroduce National Service, it is vital that we ensure people younger than myself realise their responsibilities as citizens.

It would be a privilege for the young to serve their nation through compulsory National Service, because compared to my generation, they are immoral and lazy.

National Service could be military or civilian. When I was young, I would have jumped at the chance of getting up at 6am to be shot at, or to wipe old people’s arses, but unfortunately, as a youth, I had to settle for snorting loads of gak in warehouse parties and a job in an office where nobody much cared what I did.

Today’s kids lack the discipline and work ethic of my generation. Instead, they hang around in bus stations and outside Subway, making me feel uncomfortable and a bit scared – when they could be enjoying the chance of manning the Estonian border in case Vladimir Putin decides to have a go.

To ensure the widest possible field of candidates, I’d suggest extending the cut-off date beyond 18-year-olds to my last birthday, as many people even just slightly younger than me could also benefit from the short, sharp shock of discipline which being required to work for their nation would bring.

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They will thank us for it, mark my words.

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