‘We will be slightly less shit than the Tories’ – Labour unveils latest election pledge

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Labour has unveiled another ambitious election pledge today, with the aim to be just slightly less shit than the Tories should they be elected.

With the general election just around the corner, Labour Leader Sir Kier Starmer made the first move in his election campaign last week with a clear and genuine promise to voters that they will be a tiny bit less shit than the Tories if they were elected.

Speaking earlier he told us, “We think we will be able to deliver on this ambitious pledge.

“We want to put the trust back into politics, and tell the country the truth, while also delivering on our promises.

“That’s why our main promise throughout our election campaign is that we will be slightly less shit at running the country than the Tories are. Emphasis on the slightly.

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“Obviously we will still be shit. We are still politicians, after all, and let’s face it, some of our MPs are proper fucking idiots, but they get away with it at the minute because we are not in power.

“But we are not, I repeat NOT as shit as the Tories. I mean, they are really shit and have totally fucked up every single thing they have had their fingers on, so we won’t be as bad as them.

“And that’s a promise.”

Asked if he has any specific policies he can refer to which the public can decide on, we were told, “Erm… yes, just take whatever the Tories have said they will do, and we will do it a tiny bit less shit.”

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