‘Enjoy this moment as no one can ever take it away from you’, Lance Armstrong tells Man City

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As Man City secured their fourth Premier League title in a row, Lance Armstrong has leapt to their defence to insist they should not let the 115 charges of financial doping affect their celebrations.

Armstrong, who famously had his seven Tour de France titles stripped due to doping violations, appeared genuinely moved by Manchester City’s latest historic triumph.

“I know a thing or two about winning,” Armstrong said, seemingly choosing to ignore the 115 charges of financial irregularities hanging over the club like someone found guilty of apostasy in Abu Dhabi, “and when you’ve worked hard and fought for every inch, that victory is yours… forever.”

Manchester City’s fans erupted in a chorus of cheers and mild confusion as the team lifted the trophy amidst the spectacle of confetti, fireworks, and accountants furiously crunching numbers in the background.

The club, now affectionately dubbed Manchester City 115, has been under scrutiny for allegedly creative bookkeeping that would make even Enron blush, however, Armstrong continued, “No matter what people say, no matter what the authorities decide, this moment is untouchable and will always be recognised as an incredible sporting achievement. I should know.”

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In response, Manchester City’s manager issued a statement, “We thank Lance for his kind words. We believe in fair play and will cooperate fully with the investigations, just as Lance cooperated with USADA.”

“On Lance’s advice, we’ve also released a new book titled, “It’s Not About the Coaching”.