Keir Starmer unveils ‘six steps for change’ that he’ll conveniently side-step once in Downing Street

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Opposition leader Sir Keir Starmer has today unveiled the six steps his party will take once in power, unless, of course, he changes his mind like he did about the ten pledges he made during the leadership election.

Speaking in Thurrock, Starmer told the audience and viewers that he was fully committed to delivering 6,500 new teachers, and reducing NHS waiting times, alongside other pledges around economic stability and setting up a nationalised energy provider.

However, Starmer has been widely criticised for side-stepping and abandoning the ten pledges he made to become Labour leader, with some claiming to be sceptical of these pledges as a result.

Starmer met the criticism head-on, telling those present, “As a politician, it is my job to turn meaningful government policy into social-media-friendly soundbites. So when I said there would be “no stepping back from our core principles”, what I meant is that those steps would be sideways.

“It’s not a lie because I didn’t ‘step back’ from them; I merely dropped my shoulder, sent them the wrong way, and then gracefully swerved around them.

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“And, of course, you can expect much of the same from a Labour government. Whatever your interpretation of my pledges, rest assured we are already working hard to find ways to claim we’ve delivered them when we probably don’t.

“That’s politics, baby.”