Man who wrote ‘happy to discuss’ in email really hoping he doesn’t have to discuss

author avatar by 2 weeks ago

A man who signed off an email with the phrase ‘happy to discuss’ is reported to have been lying about that sentiment.

Project Manager Simon Williams wanted to give his stakeholders the impression that he’d be more than willing to talk them through the detail of an email he was sending. However, what he really desired more than anything in the world was for everyone to just leave him alone.

“I spent ages carefully crafting that email so there couldn’t possibly be anything left to discuss,” he said.

“If you’re not sure about something then fuck off and read it again.

“In the unlikely event that I’ve actually missed something vital and a discussion is indeed warranted, then don’t think for one moment that I’d be happy about it.

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“Because make no mistake, it would be an incredibly boring discussion. Eye-wateringly tedious. A complete waste of the ever-decreasing number of precious minutes we have before death takes us.”

Experts have questioned that if Simon feels so strongly about this, why did he write the phrase in the first place?

“Look, it was a platitude,” he explained. “It’s just something you say isn’t it?

“See also ‘hope you had a great weekend.’ If you see that on one of my emails please don’t think that I desperately wished you had a great weekend. I don’t actually care if your boiler exploded killing your dog and then your house was flooded with sewage after a large storm rained off your barbecue.

“I just want you to send me those fucking figures.

“By email. Without talking.”

This meeting should have been an email – get the notebook!