Man celebrates warming oceans because ‘it was too cold to swim when I was in Bognor’

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50-year-old Basingstoke resident, Simon Williams, is today celebrating the increasing temperatures of the world’s oceans, insisting it will make British beach holidays much more fun.

According to Simon, these record-breaking temperatures are nothing but a boon, especially when one considers the traditionally frigid waters of British holiday spots like Bognor Regis.

“It’s a fantastic development!” exclaimed Simon.

“Back in my day, a dip in Bognor could turn you blue quicker than you could say ‘global warming’. Now, in just a few short years it might just be like taking a bath!”

Climate scientists around the globe have sounded alarms over oceans hitting new temperature highs, pointing to devastating impacts on marine ecosystems, weather patterns, and global sea levels.

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Meanwhile, Williams, who proudly boasts a collection of swim shorts and snorkels, dismisses these concerns with a wave of his hand.

“Fish are adaptable, right? And who wouldn’t want to swim with a dolphin in Dover!”

When asked about the potentially catastrophic consequences of unchecked global warming, Williams, a self-proclaimed expert who has spent years “watching the weather on telly and several hours watching YouTube clips that explain in detail how global warming is a liberal conspiracy,” insists that the benefits of being able to swim comfortably in British waters far outweigh any negatives.

“You’ve got to look on the bright side of life,” he quipped, misquoting a famous Monty Python song that was actually sung by an extremely enthusiastic environmentalist.

Environmentalists themselves have tried to explain the serious implications of such ecological shifts, but Williams remains undeterred.

“I’m planning a snorkelling party for the whole family next summer in Margate. It’ll be like the Caribbean, just without the airfare!”