‘Normal’ relationships always involve the man pretending to be a cat and eating from the hand of the woman, insists George Galloway

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Workers Party MP George Galloway has exclusively revealed that “normal” romantic relationships should involve the man embodying the role of a domestic cat and enjoying meals directly from the palm of their female counterparts.

This revelation comes after Galloway’s previous comments lambasting the portrayal of homosexual relationships as “normal”, suggesting instead a model where men express their love through purring and gentle headbutts.

“Let’s get back to basics,” Galloway stated, adjusting his imaginary whiskers.

“A man, a woman, and a bowl of milk. This is the fabric of a proper British courtship. It’s completely natural for a man to express affection by nuzzling against his partner’s leg or performing an impromptu grooming session in the living room.”

The statement has caused ripples across the political and social spectrums, with relationship counsellors hurriedly updating their manuals to include chapters on “Choosing the Right Catnip” and “Litter Box Etiquette for Beginners.”

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Meanwhile, pet stores across the country have reported a suspicious spike in adult-sized cat accessories and sales of luxury cat treats.

Critics have called out Galloway for his apparent hypocrisy, noting the stark contrast between his definitions of what constitutes a “normal” relationship dynamic.

“On one paw, he’s against a man having a loving relationship with another man,” commented a leading LGBTQ+ rights advocate, “but on the other, he’s all for men loving women in the style of a Persian Longhair. It’s not just a bit rich – it’s richer than some of the brutal dictators he’s cosied up to over the years.”

As the interview concluded, Galloway was seen practising his “meow” in a mirror, preparing for what he described as “just an ordinary Friday night.”