Government reveals plans to outsource primary school education to Rwanda

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The government has announced new plans for primary school education to be outsourced to Rwanda.

“We have a lot of children in this country. I’m not sure of the exact figures but it’s definitely over a hundred,” explained minister Geoff Chutney.

“Educating those children takes a lot of time and effort. It needs schools, teachers. Those teachers need training. Teaching materials, pens, pencils, books. The schools need to be maintained, they need to have dangerous collapsing concrete replaced.

“Now, instead of maintaining this huge government bureaucracy to manage all of that, we will simply outsource that whole process, and that huge taxpayer burden, of primary school education to Rwanda.

“The cost is, I believe, in the region of a quintiple-squllion-billion-million pounds. But, I think that’s a small price to pay for removing the burden from the British taxpayer.”

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Mr Chutney went on to explain how the new plans will work.

“Well, parents and children will hardly notice any difference. Just, instead of walking round the corner to a local school every morning, they’ll fly to Rwanda, have a full day of education, and then fly home again.”

Mr Chutney was also quick to allay any potential concerns.

“Well, look, firstly; We know Rwanda is safe. In fact, it’s probably the safest place in the world because it’s the only place that UK law says is safe, so that’s how safe it is. Also, kids will be taught which anti-government slogans will get them locked up.

“Secondly; I know there’s concern about the eight-hour flight time to Rwanda, but remember Rwandan time is two hours ahead of us, so that means the kids will actually end up with two more hours in the day than they would have in this country which, I think, is a real bonus.”

Should this scheme prove successful, then it is understood that the government is considering outsourcing health, criminal justice, neighbourhood services and actual government to Rwanda and then just having a nice rest.

Geoff Chutney Announcing The Plan On BBC Breakfast