Concern that links to the Tory party could hurt Tories in upcoming local elections

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Ahead of tomorrow’s local elections, there is a fear growing amongst Tories that links to the Tory party could hurt them in the polling booth. 

“I mean, I think that most people recognise that the Tory party is completely f**king disgusting,” said Tory Simon Williams.

“I’m seeing that come up on the doorstep all the time. It seems clear to me that my main problem as a Tory candidate is going to be my links to the Tory party.

“I mean, they’re corrupt, they lie, cheat, they’re racist, cruel and lazy. They don’t get anything done. The problem is that, as soon as people find out I’m running as a Tory, it’s going to be pretty clear that I have quite deep links with the Tory party, and that’s definitely going to hurt me.”

Many Tory candidates are coming up with increasingly imaginative methods to disassociate themselves from the Tory party. 

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“I’m just going to tell people I’m visiting the town on holiday,” said Tory candidate Eleanor Gay.

“I mean, on the one hand, they won’t know I’m a candidate in the local election, which will definitely affect my chances, but on the other hand, people won’t think I’m associated with the Tory party, which I think will really, really improve my chances.”

Interestingly, it doesn’t just seem to be Tory candidates whose association with the Tory Party is having a negative effect.

“I’m a Labour candidate,” said Kelly James.

“But people hear that I go to work in the Houses of Parliament, in the same place that many members of the Tory party work, and they assume that I’m a lying, cheating, two-faced prick as well. 

“Just being near the Tory party is hurting everyone.”

It’s not even just candidates who are suffering from links to the Tory party. A man who does the bins at the local Tory party office was asked to leave his local pub as it was assumed he was fiddling with the fruit machines.

The definitive Tory Venn diagram