Labour issues pledge to nationalise the Conservative Party

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Labour has announced a plan to take the Conservative Party into public ownership within their first term in government.

The pledge describes the party as ‘not fit for purpose’ and emblematic of a society which puts profits before people.

Nationalising the Conservative party would be one of Labour’s first acts when elected, pledging to end their history of ripping off consumers within their first term in Downing Street.

Shareholders will not be compensated, the announcement revealed.

“The Conservative Party exists to make millions for its shareholders whilst ripping off ordinary people,” leader Keir Starmer told reporters.

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“I don’t think it is unreasonable to suggest it should be run for the benefit of the people, and not its private backers.

“By taking the Tories into public ownership, we could ensure they serve a social purpose for the first time in their existence.”

The venerable organisation has been privately-owned for more than two hundred years, during which time it has returned substantial profits to shareholders but is widely seen as having failed to adequately address customer needs.

Under Labour’s proposals, the Conservative Party would be administered as a democratic cooperative run by workers, rather than the current unaccountable fat cats and business interests.

Historically, this has made things better every time it has been tried.