Prison sentences to be introduced for grown-ups who clap when a plane lands

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Grown adults who clap when a plane lands are to be given lengthy prison sentences under strict new laws being introduced by the government, it has emerged today.

The punishment, announced earlier today by the government and backed by the Civil Aviation Authority, could include up to five years imprisonment for clapping a pilot’s successful landing, increasing to seven years for verbal cheering. 

A spokesperson for the CAA confirmed, “It should be longer, to be fair.

“We can confirm that the new law will take immediate effect; any grown adult over the age of eighteen who is found to be clapping enthusiastically when a plane lands will be sent to prison for up to five years. They will not pass Go.

“This will be increased to up to seven years for cheering, shouting out ‘hooray’ or generally acting childishly simply because the large pressurised tube you are travelling in has successfully returned to the ground without smashing you to pieces.

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“Obviously children will still be allowed to clap if they feel it necessary, but we would expect this to be limited to children under six, although concessions will be made for those who are older but not very bright.”

Asked if there could be similar punishments for any other behaviour on planes, we were told, “Standing up before the seatbelt sign comes off after landing like a cocky self-important twat. That’s prison. Ten years.”