Colleagues rally round Tory MP Hannibal Lector following cannibalism revelations

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The Tory MP Hannibal Lector, who has found himself at the centre of a cannibalism scandal over the weekend, has received fulsome backing from friends and colleagues.

“Look, I’ve known Hannibal for a long time,” said Lector’s colleague and fellow Tory MP Geoff Chutney.

“He’s a fine MP who works hard for his constituents. Yes, I understand there’s been this business with him murdering and eating people, but he’s apologised for that, and so I think it’s time to draw a line under the issue now and move on.”

Lector was forced to apologise for his cannibalism after a Sunday newspaper exposed the MP for what seems to be years of murdering and eating local people in his constituency.

Chutney went on to accuse the media of blowing the situation out of proportion.

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He explained, “This is a typical media confection. When I talk to people on the streets, and I do so a lot, what I find is that people are interested in this government’s priorities – stopping the boats, reducing inflation and getting on with delivering for the people.

“People are simply not interested in whether or not Hannibal is a cannibal. His predilection for murdering and eating people may be something that is currently obsessing the Westminster bubble, but it really isn’t something that’s cutting through on the doorstep.”

As yet, the Tory leadership have yet to make any comment on the matter. It is thought they will remain quiet for six or seven days of lurid headlines and howls of criticism before issuing a vague comment about how you shouldn’t really murder and eat people, and then after several more days, when all possible damage is done, they’ll finally remove the whip from Lector.

Geoff Chutney’s Interview about Tory MP Hannibal Lector