Man who hates the concept of ‘self-identification’ delighted that Rwanda has self-identified as ‘safe’

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Right-wing Tory voters are today celebrating Rwanda’s self-identification as a safe country being enshrined in law, despite his staunch belief that self-identification for transgender individuals is ‘absurd’.

The delight follows the passing of the government’s Rwanda Bill last night, and their plans to send asylum seekers to the African nation, a move previously stopped due to concerns Rwanda is not, by any definition, a ‘safe’ country.

“Self-identification is clearly absurd,” explained small-boat despiser, Derek Williams.

“You can’t just wake up one day and decide you’re something you’re demonstrably not. You are what you are, so just having a piece of paper saying you’re something else is obvious lunacy.”

However, when it comes to Rwanda’s status as a safe haven for refugees and asylum seekers, Williams’ views take a sharp turn.

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He explained, “Well, that’s completely different, isn’t it? Rwanda says it’s safe, so it must be true. We should respect their wish to be identified as a safe country.

“We should all just take their word for it and start treating them like the safe country they claim to be.

“We should ignore the numerous international human rights reports and the complicated history of the region with regard to persecuted minorities – what’s important is they themselves identify as safe.

“And now we have a Bill that says it is safe, which makes it the law, so now it’s true and should be the end of the matter.”

Critics have pointed out the glaring inconsistency in Williams’ belief system.

Dr Simon Matthews, a sociologist specialising in political cognitive dissonance, explained, “It’s fascinating how he can’t extend the same logic to the identities of transgender individuals.

“It’s almost as if his opinions aren’t actually based on reason or empathy, but rather on whatever is most convenient for his worldview at any given moment.

“At this point, it appears the only thing he hates more than self-identification, is self-awareness.”