Man’s cheery Facebook avatar not fooling anyone

author avatar by 1 month ago

A Bedfordshire man who uses a computer-generated avatar of himself on Facebook to ostensibly appear to be a cartoonish, loveable, and playful sort has admitted that he is, in fact, a grumpy git with wonky features and a low-quality complexion.

Simon Williams, a marketing f*ck from Dunstable, who has been using a bright-eyed, muscular, Hollywood-smiling avatar for several months, has finally been called out by several colleagues who found themselves arbitrarily obliged to accept his friend request.

But Simon’s colleagues have finally tired of his reactionary, pisshole-eyed, never-brings-cakes-in avatar clogging up their feeds with his all-caps “snowflake” comments and multiple ‘crying lolz’ emojis that accompany all of the memes he is claiming are his own.

“He may look like a scampish rogue with perfect teeth, but the good thing about cartoony avatars is that you can’t smell their BO and rancid coffee breath,” said one. 

Another added, “From where I sit, I am unfortunate enough to have the perfect view of his wandering eye and the stash of microwave burgers and other assorted processed shit that he shoves down his gullet. Lifting those things to his mouth appears to be the only time he ever works his “guns”. He’s never seen the inside of a gym.

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“My 14-year-old Labrador, who will only eat Pringles, has a more rounded diet.”

In response, Simon posted a hilarious Catherine Tate meme with LOOK. FAVE. BOVVERED?, before taking his phone to the sole company toilet for a 40-minute shit.