Man continues joyless slog through great work of literature

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A man has finally reached page 50 of Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s seminal masterpiece ‘One Hundred Years Of Solitude’, 234 days after first embarking on the novel.

“I am determined not to give up,” said would-be intellectual Simon Williams.

“It is widely acknowledged that this boring piece of shit is actually the zenith of magical realism.

“I nearly quit last month, but everyone always goes on about what an amazing book it is, so I thought I had better stick with it, rather than lose face with myself.

“At first, the smug satisfaction I got from looking down my nose at the other commuters clutching their copies of the Metro was enough to sustain me, but then I lost the book jacket, so no one even knows what I am reading now.

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“What I wouldn’t give for a copy of The Girl On The Train,” he sighed ruefully.