Facebook to add new ‘mute until after election’ button

author avatar by 3 weeks ago

Facebook is to add a button that will you allow you to mute people until the US elections are over, they have announced.

Recognising that everyone has at least one friend who is both utterly fixated and monomaniacally partisan, they have introduced the feature so you don’t have to read Joe Biden memes every five fucking minutes.

Similarly, posts about Donald Trump and other peripheral figures that nobody has really heard of will no longer clutter up your feed, dramatically improving your quality of life at a stroke.

Engineers are also working on a system which will automatically replace text-on-a-picture posts with a cute gif of a baby rabbit falling off a bed, which will make everyone happier.

Studies show that up to 114% of some people’s posts are enraged exhortations to vote like them, or even angrier exhortations about why people who don’t vote like them are obviously stupid and probably evil.

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Advanced algorithms will automatically recognise workarounds like ‘Sleepy Joe’ and ‘Rapey Cheeto’ and block those too, so you don’t have to waste precious seconds of your life watching people you like acting like eight-year-olds.

The feature will automatically deactivate 3 months after the electionm so you don’t have to see the cries of bitter rage or smug gloating that will inevitably follow, and leave time for the Internet to re-establish its normal equilibrium of cat memes and pictures of people’s lunch.