Greggs’ IT problems ensure thousands of people become healthier by accident

author avatar by 4 weeks ago

Due to a widespread technical issue this morning, people were unable to pay for their orders in Greggs. As a result, thousands of people have found themselves much healthier by accident.

The IT failure, which rendered the nation incapable of paying for orders of their beloved sausage rolls and Steak Bakes, inadvertently propelled the UK into what nutritionists are calling “the most successful diet plan of the century.”

The technical snafu, which has so far lasted a gruelling four hours, has left thousands of Britons facing the unthinkable prospect of making breakfast at home or, in extreme cases, consuming fruits and vegetables.

Reports from across the country indicate a bewildering spike in salad sales and a mysterious depletion of fruit stocks, a phenomenon that scientists are struggling to explain.

Government health officials, initially panicked at the prospect of a national fast-food famine, were astounded by the swift health improvements.

“We’ve been trying to achieve results like these for decades with public health campaigns,” exclaimed one baffled official. “Who knew all we really needed was a widespread IT problem?”

Greggs has issued a heartfelt apology for the inconvenience. Pledging to restore service and to reverse the nation’s accidental health gains as swiftly as possible.

“We understand the importance of our role in the dietary habits of the British public,” stated a Greggs spokesperson. “Rest assured, we’re working around the clock to get everyone back to their regular eating routines.”

Meanwhile, the incident has sparked a nationwide debate among health experts on whether the key to combating obesity might lie in targeting the country’s broadband network rather than its calorie intake.