Reform UK hires high-class £100k prolitician until next election

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In the least surprising political development of the year so far, Lee Anderson, former Deputy Chairman of the Conservative party and former Labour councillor, has taken a daring leap into the luxurious arms of the Reform UK Party.

The switch comes after Reform leader Richard Tice was happy to meet Anderson’s ‘going rate’, firmly establishing Anderson as the political equivalent of a Mayfair courtesan until the next election cycle.

Tice told reporters, “I was minding my own business in a hotel bar, like you do, when this spectacular 57-year-old specimen approached me coyly and explained that for the right price, he could make my dreams come true.

“I said my dream was actual legitimate representation in parliament, and that’s when he said it was my lucky night. I told him I was wary of whether this was just about the money, or whether he really believed in us having a future together, and that’s when he held my hand against his chest looked deep into my eyes and assured me all those other parties he was a member of were just flings, and that this was the real deal.

“I was smitten.”

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Anderson, whose political career was recently tarnished by a suspension from the Conservatives, has unabashedly embraced his new role. “I know what I’m worth, and thankfully now so do Reform UK. For the backing they’re giving me, they’ll get far more than a perfunctory hand-job.”

The Reform Party, in a press release that smelled faintly of desperation and Chanel No. 5, welcomed Anderson with open arms.

“Lee brings a wealth of experience and a certain… je ne sais quoi to our team.”

Critics have lambasted the move as the most transparent act of political prostitution since the last time it happened, which, given the state of modern politics, was about a fortnight ago.

However, Anderson appears unfazed by the comparisons to those who sell themselves for living.

He went on, “If being a high-class hooker means securing huge financial backing for doing what I do best—shifting allegiances and charming wallets—then so be it,” he declared, practising his sultry ‘vote for me’ gaze in the mirror.

Reform UK, meanwhile, remains happy to have a new trophy politician to parade around, at least until the next election—or the next scandal, whichever comes first.