World Book Day swiftly followed by Mummy’s Wine Afternoon

author avatar by 1 month ago

The nation’s mothers are getting on the sauce before dinner, and rightly so.

Having fashioned various and loosely book-related costumes such as Harry Potter, Elsa from Frozen and even Optimus fucking Prime, mummy is having a sit-down and several glasses of the Pinot Grigio.

“Fuck off and leave me alone,” confirmed Hayley Rice, who was up until 3am fashioning a full-scale Bluey head out of papier mache.

“No matter what, this day always seems to rocket around the corner without warning every year. I’m glad the kids are having fun, but for the parents, it’s a big sack of headaches.

“I’m not a costume designer, I’m a driving instructor. You don’t see me demanding Jean Paul Gautier stay up until 3am teaching parallel parking one day out of every year, do you?”

NewsThump Best sellers

Grace Parker added, “Can you help me get this wine cork out? My hands are a bit knackered from soldering together a full-scale Iron Giant costume.

“Seriously, it’s twelve feet tall. God knows how we managed to fit Timmy into the Astra this morning.

“He can walk home, though. Mummy is going to be over the drink-drive limit by lunchtime.”