High Court orders government to put crooked country back the way they found it

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In a landmark ruling, the British High Court has issued an unprecedented order against the government, mandating it to “put the country back the way they found it.”

The decision comes after a series of blunders so profound, they’ve been likened to a cowboy contractor who, hired to renovate a building, ends up knocking the entire thing down.

The court’s decision highlights several key areas of concern, notably the government’s handling of Brexit, which has been likened to removing a load-bearing wall without any plan for support, causing the economic and social structure of the country to teeter precariously.

Justice Simon Williams explained, “It’s as if they decided to ‘do a bit of DIY’ on the nation’s EU membership, only to realise halfway through that they might’ve needed that support after all, and then hoping the residents are too dumb to notice.”

Further criticism was aimed at the management of the NHS, with the court likening it to a botched kitchen remodel where the contractors promised a state-of-the-art facility but left halfway through, taking the radiators and stove with them.

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“The health service is now akin to a room with great potential but no heating, plumbing, or indeed, any walls,” the judgment read, not hiding its exasperation.

On immigration, the government’s approach was compared to a misguided attempt at garden landscaping that ended up blocking all the paths and exits, creating a maze that no one can navigate.

In response, the government has vowed to appeal the decision, claiming that all of their renovations on the country were done in the spirit of “making the house great again,” albeit without any clear plan, budget, or understanding of basic architecture.

Meanwhile, UK citizens are left navigating a metaphorical house where the doors lead nowhere, the roof is perpetually leaking, and the walls are sometimes, quite literally, closing in.

As the country waits to see if it will indeed be ‘put back the way it was found’, many are left wondering whether the original blueprints can even be located amongst the rubble of what was once a fairly sturdy, if slightly eccentric, building.

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