Nation’s complete dipshits announce plans to not vote for Keir Starmer

author avatar by 2 months ago

Britain’s complete fucking dipshits have today announced their plans to not vote for Keir Starmer in this year’s general election.

“As a life-long Labour supporter, I cannot support Keir Starmer and plan to vote for someone else or spoil my ballot or do something equally inconsequential in a way that makes me feel like a big man,” explained Kevin Dicksplash, a complete fucking dipshit.

“He told lies and he doesn’t like Jeremy Corbyn, and he wears a suit, and he probably likes America and he’s a centrist, whatever that means, and so I’m not voting for him ever and that’ll definitely show him.

“Who knows, if I get really lucky, people like me might hand the Tories another five years and then I’ll definitely be proven right.”

Barry Fuckhead is a lifelong Tory voter and complete fucking dipshit.

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“Well, I believe in Tory values. A quiet, respectful deference to the church, community and family. Now, obviously, Rishi Sunak’s government thinks all of that is woke and wants to smash it up and just cut taxes for Jacob Rees-Mogg and his friends and set fire to foreigners.

“Still though, I can’t vote for Keir Starmer. I don’t do Labour.”

Starmer’s office admitted it was conflicted.

“Obviously, we’d like as many votes as possible,” said an aide for the Labour leader.

“But, on the other hand, is it really that good of a thing for Keir if complete fucking dipshits like him?”